What is not talked about, tends to repeat itself.

In my practice I encounter at times parents who do not want to talk about certain aspects of the past: the painful history of an absent father, the fact that the child was abused at an early age... I often get the question: Why talk about these painful things when the child does not even remember them, or even asks about them? As if talking about them will increase the pain, will unnecessarily open old wounds that do not need to be opened anymore.  Talking about it might be very hard and difficult for the parent, but can be a crucial step in helping the child, and in preventing the past to repeat itself.

In my work with adult clients I see how not addressing the truth about a biological parent, or about a painful family event can have very detrimental, long term effect. Over and over again I see, that what is not spoken about, what is taboo tends to repeat itself in family histories. I think of the family where 4 generations of women have been raped, and where the teenage daughter is putting herself in situations that might be devastating. It is not until this family history and the pain that goes with it is put into words that something new can happen, and history does not have to repeat itself.